My Lorelai Gilmore Dilemma | Random Ramblings

Since this is called Random Ramblings, I’m going to let my inner editor go and just ramble. Hope you don’t mind, but it’s just something that’s not as important anymore.

I assume you’ve all watched Gilmore Girls. I mean, if you haven’t you really should because it’s great and the new episodes are coming out in November (which is bad and good because NaNoWriMo is in November and I’ll want to binge-watch all four episodes. On the up-side, it’s SO CLOSE!)

Anyways, I’ve been having a bit of a dilemma and it reminds me vaguely of the episode in season 7 (S7E3 to be exact) where Lorelai had a great awakening that she was doing everything the opposite of what her parents (specifically her mother, Emily) liked or was doing. The whole episode, she tried different things from her hair, the way she dressed all the way to little tiny decisions she wouldn’t have made before her revelation because it reminded her of her mother.

My dilemma isn’t exactly like this, but it sure sounds like it. My problem is that I’m not really sure if I like reading and writing and blogging. Now, don’t freak out, because it’s actually pretty simple. When I was in sixth grade, I read the Twilight series which led me to read more books and it just became a thing. I liked feeling like I was in my own world so I kept reading and it eventually led to me wanting to write a book. I had wanted to write a book before this, but it never quite worked out for one reason or another. But after I became a bit of a reader, I sat down and wrote. It was stressful on little eleven-year-old me, but I wanted to finish it so I kept going.

Now, it’s just a part of me. I write and read and when I have something else to say to the world, I blog. Just recently, I realized that I might not exactly like reading and writing, but it’s just been such a big part of my life for so many years and I feel like I have a duty to the world that I can’t quite rid of it. At least just yet. I’ve been basing my future on this simple activity of reading and writing. I’ve been planning to go to college to get a degree in literature and I’m not sure if that’s even what I want. I’d much rather figure it out now than finish college and realize I’ve made a mistake.

As you probably know, I’ve been pretty absent from everything on the internet (heck, even in my real-world life) and it’s been eye-opening. I’ve been reading still because I have to get things done like ARCs and reading challenges and such, but I’ve quit writing for… 3 months now? Of course, I can’t stop writing completely because I’m still in high-school, but I haven’t worked on any of my novels in almost three months. Being on Twitter and Ecrits du Coeur ties into the whole reading and writing thing and I’ve found that it’s better for me to distance myself from everything that has to do with it.

While taking my break, I’ve been able to ask myself “Do I really like writing or do I just do it because I have to since it’s a part of me?” and “What led me to the moment where I doubt myself and my hobbies? It must have been something.” All I can say is that it’s very enlightening, but I don’t have answers to any of my own questions.

Now for the part where I explain why you shouldn’t panic. Ecrits du Coeur is me. The internet is the 21st century. No matter how much I’d like to cut it out completely and fall off the face of the earth, it’s always going to be me. I’ll still be on Twitter and Instagram (though not as often as I used to be) and I’ll still be updating on Ecrits du Coeur (again, probably not as often as I’d like) because this is what I am for the time being. Plus, I’ll be around for NaNo 2016. Maybe I’ll fail, but I’ll be there. 😉

I’m still taking my time to answer my questions and figure out who I am and who I want to be. Until then, keep writing, loves. Hopefully, I’ll join you again.

 

(P.S. Tears are falling down my cheeks because of that last sentence and I hope you’re feeling the same. It’s sad, but not a goodbye. Just a… see you again.)

– Jasmine

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8 thoughts on “My Lorelai Gilmore Dilemma | Random Ramblings

  1. Figuring out what we want to be and who we are is something we all aim to do, in life. Some may enjoy being a member of the audience in their own life and others, like you, may not. It is never easy to decide exactly what needs to be done. Today, you may choose one thing and maybe tomorrow you will come back to it. Whatever the decision you end up taking, I’m sure that many people will applaud you and stand behind you, as moral support.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just this morning, I was thinking of someone who I haven’t seen in a while and thought to myself, “I didn’t realize I would miss you until you were gone.”

    Since you haven’t written your novels in three months, the question I would ask is: Do you miss writing your novels? Do you miss spending time with your characters? Do you miss hearing them talk to you and having conversations with them? (Okay, that’s three questions, but let’s not get technical here.) The point I’m attempting to make is that perhaps your focus shouldn’t be on whether or not you like writing in general, but whether or not you like your characters. I mean, the number one reason why I’m still writing my third novel (currently on chapter 12) is because, after taking a week or two off here and there, I realize how much I enjoy the company of my characters and how much I miss them when I don’t make time for them.

    …especially Kara. OMG, Kara is such a brat with me when I finally get back to her. Do not get me started.

    Anyway, perhaps the best way to phrase your question isn’t “Do I like writing?” If writing is a part of you, then there’s also a part of you that feels you have no choice but to write, like you’re forced, somehow, to do it. This could be the part of you that is pushing those doubts you have, concerning writing, to the surface. However, if you instead ask, “Do I miss my characters?” then writing them isn’t something that you’re forced to do because it’s a part of who you are; you do it because you want to be with your characters.

    For me, I don’t write because I enjoy writing (I really don’t like it); I write because I enjoy spending time with my characters. That’s what motivates me to improve at writing: the better my writing, the better my characters and the trouble they get into come through.

    This is why, if I ever, by some miracle, manage to find a live person who wants to be my friend, this whole writing thing will come crashing down for me. I simply wouldn’t need my imaginary friends anymore. I hope Kara would be okay with that…

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s really hard to tell at this point. I’m not sure if I miss my characters or there’s just that nagging feeling in the back of my head that ‘s telling me I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I guess that’s what this whole break is about. I need answers and the only way to find out is to notice the feelings I have and see if it’s what I want.
      I do think of my characters often, if that counts for something. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s not easy Jasmine, to know who we are and what we really want. I’m pushing my late twenties now and I still don’t know what I want from life. I know that writing is my passion, but I only really started to focus on it also being my career this past year.
    I floundered through my early twenties, wavering in decisions. There was one point when I was training to be a teacher, but I felt overwhelmed in the classroom and had to step away, but there are still times when I think about it.
    Anyway, sometimes time apart is what helps us to realize if that part of ourselves is something we’ll really miss. If we really love it, the separation will be hard.
    Don’t worry if the answers aren’t coming yet. You’re still young and life is open before you. What you’re passionate about today might be something that doesn’t interest you in ten years’ times. Everyday we learn something new about ourselves.
    Take the time you need to discover more about yourself. Find a quiet place where you can reflect. And write down things that come to mind. It helps sometimes to get things out of your head and onto paper. Write yourself a letter about how you feel or write it as a story about yourself. That’s a technique I’ve used in the past to help me better understand where I am.
    Best of luck with NaNo. I’ll be cheering you on!
    Keep that head up, Jasmine! You are a beautiful individual with a lot of talent and great things to offer this world.
    Stay well my dear ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re just as amazingly supportive as always! ❤ Seriously, though, I don't know what I'd do without your constant loving vibes and pep talks. 😉 I'll try some of that, though I'm not quite sure when I'll find time since school just started up again.
      Thank you for being my cheerleader (I'm almost positive I can hear you from all the way over here 😉 ) Will you be doing NaNo? Hopefully we'll continue our writing journey together. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are most welcome, my dear!
        I will be doing NaNo this year! There are a lot of people I know participating! It’ll be great to support each other through it 🙂
        Take care and be good to yourself ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Happy Birthday, Ecrits du Coeur! | Writing Q&A – Écrits du coeur

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