Since this is called Random Ramblings, I’m going to let my inner editor go and just ramble. Hope you don’t mind, but it’s just something that’s not as important anymore.
I assume you’ve all watched Gilmore Girls. I mean, if you haven’t you really should because it’s great and the new episodes are coming out in November (which is bad and good because NaNoWriMo is in November and I’ll want to binge-watch all four episodes. On the up-side, it’s SO CLOSE!)
Anyways, I’ve been having a bit of a dilemma and it reminds me vaguely of the episode in season 7 (S7E3 to be exact) where Lorelai had a great awakening that she was doing everything the opposite of what her parents (specifically her mother, Emily) liked or was doing. The whole episode, she tried different things from her hair, the way she dressed all the way to little tiny decisions she wouldn’t have made before her revelation because it reminded her of her mother.
My dilemma isn’t exactly like this, but it sure sounds like it. My problem is that I’m not really sure if I like reading and writing and blogging. Now, don’t freak out, because it’s actually pretty simple. When I was in sixth grade, I read the Twilight series which led me to read more books and it just became a thing. I liked feeling like I was in my own world so I kept reading and it eventually led to me wanting to write a book. I had wanted to write a book before this, but it never quite worked out for one reason or another. But after I became a bit of a reader, I sat down and wrote. It was stressful on little eleven-year-old me, but I wanted to finish it so I kept going.
Now, it’s just a part of me. I write and read and when I have something else to say to the world, I blog. Just recently, I realized that I might not exactly like reading and writing, but it’s just been such a big part of my life for so many years and I feel like I have a duty to the world that I can’t quite rid of it. At least just yet. I’ve been basing my future on this simple activity of reading and writing. I’ve been planning to go to college to get a degree in literature and I’m not sure if that’s even what I want. I’d much rather figure it out now than finish college and realize I’ve made a mistake.
As you probably know, I’ve been pretty absent from everything on the internet (heck, even in my real-world life) and it’s been eye-opening. I’ve been reading still because I have to get things done like ARCs and reading challenges and such, but I’ve quit writing for… 3 months now? Of course, I can’t stop writing completely because I’m still in high-school, but I haven’t worked on any of my novels in almost three months. Being on Twitter and Ecrits du Coeur ties into the whole reading and writing thing and I’ve found that it’s better for me to distance myself from everything that has to do with it.
While taking my break, I’ve been able to ask myself “Do I really like writing or do I just do it because I have to since it’s a part of me?” and “What led me to the moment where I doubt myself and my hobbies? It must have been something.” All I can say is that it’s very enlightening, but I don’t have answers to any of my own questions.
Now for the part where I explain why you shouldn’t panic. Ecrits du Coeur is me. The internet is the 21st century. No matter how much I’d like to cut it out completely and fall off the face of the earth, it’s always going to be me. I’ll still be on Twitter and Instagram (though not as often as I used to be) and I’ll still be updating on Ecrits du Coeur (again, probably not as often as I’d like) because this is what I am for the time being. Plus, I’ll be around for NaNo 2016. Maybe I’ll fail, but I’ll be there. 😉
I’m still taking my time to answer my questions and figure out who I am and who I want to be. Until then, keep writing, loves. Hopefully, I’ll join you again.
(P.S. Tears are falling down my cheeks because of that last sentence and I hope you’re feeling the same. It’s sad, but not a goodbye. Just a… see you again.)