WIP Excerpt: Land of the Free

Bonjour everyone and happy Thursday!

It’s been a while since I’ve given you an excerpt from one of my WIPs other than a few paragraphs I put into tags and such. Today, we’re changing that!

As most of you know, I’ve been writing a zombie book titled Land of the Free about a teenage girl who was raised by zombies since she was little. You can read the prologue here and then I posted part of the first chapter here (you kind of have to dig for it).

Today, you’ll be reading the last piece of chapter 1 and half of chapter 2!


 

I sat back against an old pine tree that didn’t offer much shade since all of the leaves had long since fallen off and never grew back. I opened my book and read a half a page when I heard the strangled sounds of a zombie. I ignored it because I didn’t want to get involved with whatever it was they were screaming about, but I couldn’t for long because I heard a loud bang that sounded a lot like a gun and zombies don’t know how to pull the trigger on a gun.

I stood up and slipped my book in the hollow of the tree. I ambled towards the sound, trying to see if I should get closer or not. A group of zombies stood next to one of the corner stores and some littered the floor, scattered limbs covered in the foul brown of zombie blood.

The zombies were all growling or screaming and some tried to run while others were too stupid to even realize what was going on.

Another sound, this time like a sizzling, came from the circle of zombies. Then, before I could fully comprehend what it was, the sound was cut short by a loud explosion, taking out half of the bodies.

One, a woman who looked like she could be by grandmother if she were still alive, flew through the air and landed in a heap of decay next to me. The smell coming off of her was sickening; burnt flesh mixed with a moldy smell.

I gagged and stepped away, towards the other zombies. I wasn’t sure why I did it at the time, but I was still just trying to get the taste of the dismembered women out of my senses.

“Stand back!” someone yelled, firing another gunshot. That was definitely not a zombie. It was strange to hear a human voice after all these years, but I was more alarmed than intrigued. Humans rarely came through our little town but when they did, our masses overtook them.

“He said to stand back, you menaces!” It was a woman’s voice this time. I wasn’t close enough to see the people and I wasn’t going to get closer because another loud gun took out another seven zombies.

I couldn’t believe it. They were actually going to kill them all. My neighbors, my acquaintances, my parents. I couldn’t let it happen.

I pushed through the large group of decay and found myself face to face with a girl who looked about my age. She had a very large gun under arm and it was pointed directly at me.

Her dark hair was tangled and bloody and she had this look on her face like she was ready to kill.

“Stop!” I said before I could back out.

“Who are you?” the girl said.

At that time, the other three people turned around. There was a boy who was a few years older than me and a couple, from the looks up of, in their mid-thirties.

The couple both raised their guns and pointed them at my head. “Holy shit,” the boy swore loudly, but raised his gun too.

Chapter 2-

“Who the hell are you?” the man shouted. He had a smaller gun than the girl who was closest to me, but I was sure it could still do a lot of damage with its bullet stuck in my brain.

“Free,” I said. I wasn’t talking loudly anymore and my voice was raspy from not saying anything in so long. “My name is Free.”

“Why are you here?” was the man’s response.

“I live here. Why are you here?” I wasn’t usually this confident, but something inside me changed when I realized that my mom and dad were in danger.

“You live here?” The woman asked, clearly shocked.

“I already said that, yes.”

“Holy shit,” the boy said once again.

“Stop saying that,” I said back to him. “I don’t like curse words.”

“What are you? My mom?”

I didn’t have an answer to that. “What are you doing here?”

“We were passing through,” the man said. He had lowered his gun down a little bit and his forehead was more creased. “Why are you here?”

“I already told you. I. Live. Here.”


 

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! I’d love some feedback if you’d like! I’ll see you all again tomorrow! Au revoir and don’t forget to écrire du coeur! :*


All written works are property of Jasmine Carlisle
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7 thoughts on “WIP Excerpt: Land of the Free

  1. Love this excerpt! It’s really good. I enjoy the idea of a person defending zombies. 🙂

    Since you asked for feedback, I’ll give you a couple of points:
    1 – In the Chapter 1 part of the excerpt, the first five sentences of the first two paragraphs begin with “I.” That can feel a bit repetitious, having so many consecutive sentences starting with “I.”
    2 – Also in Chapter 1, the second paragraph from the bottom has a part of the second sentence that reads, “…from the looks up of…” I’m guessing that’s just a typo.

    Finally, have I mentioned before how much I love the name Free? Haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks! I love the idea as well. Free is a really interesting person. 🙂
      I do have a problem with ‘I’s. I’ve never written a book in third person before, therefore, all are in first and literally have ‘I’ in every sentence. I’m trying to work on it, but I haven’t edited any of it yet so all of that will be changed.
      And I’m sure it was a typo. I’m full of typos and no matter how much I read it over and over, there’s always at least one that slips out unnoticed. (There’s probably on in this comment :P)
      I don’t remember if you’ve mentioned it, but I totally agree with you. My sister HATES the name and thinks that my literary agent (once I get one eventually) will say to change it. I’m glad someone’s on my side though!
      Thanks for reading and commenting! Feedback is always good and even though it’s hard for friends to tell you what’s wrong with it, I always appreciate it.

      P.S. I’m really sorry if half of that didn’t make any sense. I don’t know what’s up today. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • It all made perfect sense to me. Then again, nothing makes sense to me, which I suppose is why everything makes sense. Weird, right? 😉

        By the way, don’t change the name, even if an agent tries to get you to do it. Make it the one thing you absolutely will not budge on. The name just works so well with the story that I’ve read so far.

        Like

  2. I’m loving how this story is shaping up Jasmine! The intrigue is set and I love Free! It’s such a unique and fresh take on the zombie story. I can’t wait to see where you take it next 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I love hearing that-especially from a writer as talented as you!
      It’s definitely a work in progress and Free is a little hard to write, but I can see it forming. I’m hoping to keep you guys updated on this one and the one with the guy who’s a flower, so stay tuned!
      Thank you for reading and for commenting!😊😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

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