WIP Excerpt: Hollow

Hello, wonderful people! Every time I post something from my WIP, you all are so supportive and great. It gives me that little boost of confidence that I need so today I’ll share with you chapter 1 of my WIP, Hollow. Please be nice since this is not edited AT ALL but I thought you’d enjoy it. 🙂

Chapter 1:

“Get up, Vicky!” June yelled at me. “Our alarm clock must have not been plugged in. We’ll be late for class.” I instantly popped up out of bed and ran to the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth.

While I was in there, I stared at myself in the mirror for longer than I should have. I always felt like I didn’t belong in our world. Everyone else I knew had light hair which includes blonde, light brown, soft red, and silver for the people who have started to age and everyone preferred to cut it short for some reason. I, however, had dark brown hair that was long and wavy.

I also had different eyes. It wasn’t that strange to have brown eyes, or green eyes, or a mixture to make hazel, but it was unusual to have two different colored eyes. My left one was dull brown. My right one was bright green.

I was more muscled than the other girls I saw around school, too. I was almost as muscled as some of the weaker boys like Robbie. No one seemed to mind, though. People mostly thought it was cool or unique, but it made me feel different. Everyone always kind of looked the same, except me.

“Hurry up, Vicky!” June called, smacking her opened palm on the door.

I quickly brushed over my hair and unlocked the door. June barged in and started to wash her face, her head leaning into the shallow sink. Her light brown hair was a knotted mess on her head and I thought that maybe if she went outside right now, a bird would fly right in and make itself at home. I decided to help her out by brushing it for her, but I caught her by surprise and as the bristles of the brush met the first knot, her face slammed against the metal faucet.

I saw blood mixed with water flow down the drain and screamed for mom. “This is an emergency! June is bleeding!” I yelled.

She came running down the hall, barefoot. Her hair blowing behind her as she leapt each long stride. The sleeves to her old flannel shirt were rolled up to her elbows and she had bubbles up her forearms like she had been washing the dishes. “What happened?” She asked. She grabbed a towel out of the closet and wiped the bubbles away. Then, she reached down under the cabinet and pulled out the first-aid kit. Pushing gauze on June’s nose and telling her to keep her head down so that she wouldn’t drown in her own blood, mom turned to me. Again she asked, “What happened?”

“Well, I thought I would help June brush her hair since we were late, and she kind of didn’t know and crushed her face into the sink.”

“Why would you brush someone else’s hair?” She asked, looking at me like I had made some horrible decision. Maybe it wasn’t a great one, but I was trying to be nice in my attempt.

“I was just trying to help,” I said, dropping my voice a little and looking to the pale rug, now drizzled with blots of June’s blood.

Every time I did something wrong, there were always a million questions on why I did it, but if one of my other three siblings did something wrong, they were always asked to apologize and nobody hesitated to forgive them.

“I think you’ve helped enough,” June said, with the gauze still pinched to her nose. Even though she sounded funny, the hurtful message went through just fine.

“Shush,” mom told her. “Vicky, the only thing that would possibly help right now is to go get your father.”

I didn’t say anything else just in case they had anything else to say that would make me feel worse. I walked into the kitchen where Dad and my brothers were finishing breakfast. As I walked in, Dad stood up and went over to me. He put his hands on either of my arms and had a look of concern on his already solemn face. “Is everything okay in there?” He asked.

“I don’t know. They told me to go get you,” I said and walked to the dining table where my brothers had practically devoured everything set on the surface.

I sat down next to Victor and poured myself a glass of orange juice. Victor is my twin brother. It would make since that if we were twins, we would have some of the same attributes, but he looks like the rest of my family like he’s supposed to. Victor and I are the youngest of the family and the only twins. The oldest is June and she’s twenty five. Then comes Paul, who just turned eighteen two months ago. It’s a law that the children must stay home with the family and go to school until they are married or the parents die. Stupid rule, but it has to be followed.

Victor turned to me and snickered. “What did you do? Hit her with your straightener again?”

I didn’t actually hit her with the flat iron, but Victor wasn’t completely lying either. When I was about twelve, I was trying to straighten my hair and was straightening the back of my head when June walked behind me and the flat iron and her cheek sort of met in an agonizing battle. The straightener won and poor June fell to the ground screaming.

I sighed. “That was an accident and a long time ago. Stop bringing it up every time something like this happens.”

So, I had to admit that I was kind of accident prone. Almost everything I did ended in disaster. Yes, I burned her cheek with flat iron; yes, I smashed Victor’s finger in the front door hinges; yes, I cut the tip of June’s finger when we were cutting onions; yes I smashed her face into the sink faucet, but none of that was on purpose.

“What really happened?” Paul asked. Paul didn’t like to joke around when something serious is going on. He was the one who wanted to fix it or help in any way he could. His kind eyes weren’t penetrating like the rest of my family.

“It’s not important,” I said and took a drink of my orange juice.

“Vicky, no one’s going to be mad at you,” Paul said, reaching over and putting his hand on my shoulder.

I let out a long sigh and said, “I was trying to brush her hair while she was washing her face and her nose hit the faucet. I was just trying to be helpful.”

“Oh, that’s very helpful,” Victor replied and rolled his eyes. I glared at him and he shut up, quickly.

A few minutes later, mom and Dad came through the hallway, ushering June towards the front door. “We’re taking June to the hospital. We think she may have broken her nose. Get in the car,” mom said.

I’m very aware that it’s not written very well and that there may be grammar and spelling issues but remember, I posted this from my draft document.

Thank you for reading and I’d love if you could give me some feedback on what you thought of it. This is probably my favorite chapter of the book and it was really fun writing it so I hope you have fun reading it!



6 thoughts on “WIP Excerpt: Hollow

  1. Her light brown hair was a knotted mess on her head and I thought that maybe if she went outside right now, a bird would fly right in and make itself at home. Best line ever!! It’s a good first draft. I’m already interested to see where you go with this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s an interesting beginning. I like Vicky so far, you did a good job on making me feel sympathy for her. Also you did a good job with making me curious about her differences.

    It’s unedited but not difficult to read. I only noticed minor things, such as breaking up one dialogue/action paragraph a bit more. A few descriptive words used more than once in a paragraph was another. Other than that it’s a good start.

    Liked by 1 person

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